EGY.COM - PROBLEMS & ISSUES
Egyptian Mail, November 9, 1996
the untested officer-architects of Molokhia capitalism
The following excerpt appeared in an elementary school thesis published in the year 2100 AD
A CAIRO PHENOMENON IN THE 1990s AD
In the year 21 Pre-Cellular (PC), which in the old calendar was referred to as 1976 AD, you couldn't make a single Cairo-to-Cairo telephone call. In those days you waited several hours for a dial tone and it took about five years to obtain a telephone landline.
In sharp contrast 1996 AD publications brimmed with cover to cover cellular phone advertisements. These handheld gadgets were the talk of the town, from the inner sanctums of those self-important Am-Cham pow-wows (that other fin de millenaire phenomena) to the much-coveted Cigar-filled power breakfasts so popular in those heady days.
'Who's going for Nokia' and 'who's routing for Motorola' were the subject of heated debates in company boardrooms and Business Class flights when Earthies still traveled in fixed-winged Boeing Montgolfiers.
Cellular fever was such that certain members of the gentry preferred to feign the Burundi Flu (an archetypal plague of 20th century AD) rather than show up in public without a cellular phone in hand.
From these cellular ad-infested publications we learn that phone advertisements were not all that was publicized in the printed media. Another phenomenon of this confused age was how some Earthies announced death. Endless pages of large black-bordered obituaries read like commercial directories or a financial 'Who's who.' Lacking a Far West Fortune 200 type index listing the super rich, these high-priced obits were a fine example on how contemporary status-seekers advertised the 'who's hot' and 'who's not' in Cairene society.
Obits were incredibly inflated when it concerned the parent or sibling of one of the Pre-Cellular (PC) chieftains. But when the chieftain himself passed away, there were no obits. Conclusion: who needs a dead chieftain?! Egyptian Earthies from the 20th century AD era had strange ways of expressing their grief!
Equally strange was the way they celebrated. One popular form of jubilation was called 'One Thousand and One Night' weddings. These were especially popular in the years leading up to and during the 1990s AD. Whenever two Earthies (they had to be of opposite sex) decided to enter the connubiality state (a custom discontinued in 2050 AD), they held freakish festivities where guests stuffed themselves with edibles as they wiggled to pastoral chants. They wore animal furs and decorated themselves with glittering metals and stones.
These and other outwardly manifestations of affluence lead us to conclude that late AD (early Cellular) was an age of unprecedented prosperity despite contradicting factors evidencing amongst other things, transport problems, bursting water pipes, broken sewage, power cuts, exposed garbage, poor planning, collapsing buildings, etc... This paradoxical phenomena is referred to as the BinGypt or Binary Egypt Syndrome.
BinGypt meant the country was divided unequally between the privileged few and the others who were downright destitute. Both categories ignored each other. (Note: 'Others' as in 'inconsequentials' also existed in the pre internet-lithic age when no one wrote about Ancient Egyptian Pyramid builders preferring instead to concentrate on their pharaoh masters).
BinGypt characterized most of the 20th century AD despite some ingenuous attempts to bridge these gaping gaps. For instance after the year 1952 AD (54 PC) Egypt's modern pharaohs propagated some new and untried viewpoint called the 'Philosophy of a revolution.' They had just toppled the old order and decreed the removal of the existing cast system doing away with all perks and privileges. No more capitalism, no more titles, no more oligarchy, no more free markets, no more 'outside' influence, no more minorities, no more siding with the "big powers", no more...
Egypt's modern-day Pharaohs preached a new religion called 'socialism'. The miracle prescription claimed that in a very short time everyone would be blissfully prosperous. But in actual fact this turned out to be another dismal realm where bureaucracy and mediocrity became inseparable twins. So long, meritocracy! As for public education, well, it fell into an abyss and was never heard from again.
During this era planet earth was divided up in many small patches called states. These states either worshipped or were in fear of two omnipotent mortal Gods: the good one and the bad one depending on how you saw them.
In the year 1989 AD one of the Gods collapsed. For a while, planet earth became mono worshipping. Meanwhile, the other little states continued to venerate their own mini-deus. Sometimes they tired of their kingpins so they killed them in public or in front of TV cameras.
TV was that most deceitful instrument used in the Pre-Cellular age with the intent to seduce people into buying everything from consumer goods to unattainable myths. More importantly it was used for mass therapy and perilous televangelism creating a nation of followers who could no longer think for themselves. It promoted a culture of violence in the name of an ideology called "religion".
TV was also the single most significant propaganda tool across planet Earth. For example in Egypt it was used to promote the cult of Pharaoh. In the event you did not hang the mini-deus's picture on your home walls, you could be sure to find it the moment you switched on your TV set.
Immediately after 1952 AD, Egyptians were force-fed the miraculous 'Philosophy of Revolution'. Soon enough something went very, very wrong. The apostles of the new philosophy discovered they were mortals too. They were victims of their own greed, jealousies, hypocrisy, incompetence etc. Forty years and multiple economic, military and political catastrophes later (revisionists refer to this period as the Mini Dark Age) everyone was back to addressing each other by the antiquated and outlawed form of "ya pasha" which in the old era, signified a person of substantial standing.
A new far richer elite replaced the old one. The new cadres somehow managed to profit from a deficient economic order, which they called 'public sector'. When things inevitably started to collapse, these so-called socialist pharaohs guaranteed themselves 'golden parachutes' enabling them to land inside large pots of gold (today absolutely worthless metal).
When it was time to improvise some form of economic reform they came up with what historians later dubbed Molokhia Capitalism, reference to a popular Ancient Egyptian soup that miraculously survived to our time.
Molokhia capitalism (a.k.a. the era of gross incompetence) was nothing less than 'sweetheart deals' and 'crony capitalism' benefiting the incumbent elite which raked in more precious metals and earthly benefits at the expense of modern day pyramid builders and ordinary folk.
Molokhia capitalism also meant that bogus finance and investment companies mushroomed everywhere milking the banks blind. Banks were these idolatry money temples where modern day pyramid builders and ordinary folk placed their legal tender (felouss or dollars) so that moneyed pharaohs and the high priests of finance could build more money-gathering temples.
Aside from the high priests and moneyed pharaohs there was that cast of insatiable armchair generals who helped themselves to the riches of the money temples converting them into new toys which they tried out during a favorite pastime called 'war'. This is when generals of one camp played with the generals of another camp. Othewise the 'toys' were put on public display on special occasions to awe the ignorant public.
The most widespread form of revenue under Molokhia capitalism was fat commissions, payola's, bribes, kickbacks and abnormal cuts.
This period saw the simultaneous confluence of (i) an infectious wave of mercantilism and (ii) a very significant spiritual wave which blew in from the east. This spiritual wave brought with it unenlightened, medieval values mixed with inflexible conventions.
The resulting clash of these two opposing orders-mercantilism and medieval values-was highly combustible leading to social unrest and repression which ultimately resulted in a phenomenon called fanaticism a.k.a. terrorism. This in turn resulted in certain Earthies being blown up into many small pieces. Some of these incredulous events led to a Obitfests (see Obituaries) especially if the target escaped unscathed.
By the late 20th century AD, the children and grandchildren of the great socialist reformers had become seduced, beguiled and infected with a disease called the Americulture Invasion Deadly Symptom (AIDS).
One of the side effects of this disease was their insistence to celebrate happy occasions in palaces whose original princely owners had been labeled four decades earlier 'landowner capitalist traitors' and 'money-grubbing blood-suckers.' The descendants of the 'great equalizers' did everything within their power to ape these forgotten days, from showing off the absconded crown jewels to evoking kingly twelve-course menus.
Despite all the bungling attempts at social and economic reforms by their self-admiring granddaddies, nothing actually changed. The endless promises of pie in the sky for everyone never materialized. The only thing that emerged was a grotesque continuity of selfless greed. In other words private fortunes, crown jewels and absolute power had simply changed hands.
The AIDS phenomena which had so afflicted the Egyptian elite eventually ended with the precipitate and unexpected demise of the Hamburger & Apple Pie Empire. This was 2018 AD when the empire's entire collection of geostationary communication satellites circling above planet earth were zapped out of commission from an unidentified cosmic ray.
But let's flashback to 1990 AD and that other phenomenon that proves beyond the shadow of doubt that it was our inter-galactic cousins and not 'Earthies' who had conceived and designed the great Giza pyramids.
Despite laser research conducted during the first half of the 21st century AD (First Century Cellular), the definite origins of the pyramids remained inconclusive. But this was no fault of laser technology. It so happened that the great pyramid was auctioned off in 2051 AD (55 Cellular) to a cyber-conglomerate which needed it as an advertising gimmick on the Moon. The remaining pyramids were transferred to another part of planet Earth when one of Egypt's chieftains in the year 50 Cellular decreed that they should be privatized in order to pay for the country's whopping deficit.
The removal of the Great Pyramids is a clear indication of how little the country's architectural heritage meant to its people and chieftains back then.
Only a few decades before the removal of these great temples, the country's entire heritage had been wiped out by rapacious speculators and half-learned developers. In those annihilate days, developers had also launched the popular 'decayed look'. Whenever they built anything, it looked gray and decrepit even before it was officially inaugurated. This is why urban areas in those days were so dismal and un-inviting, prompting chieftains to build luxury synthetic compounds for themselves well beyond the polluted city's perimeter.
But what irrefutably reinforces the Alien-Pyramid connection is that in circa 1990's AD, when the 4,000 year old pyramids were still standing intact on a plateau overlooking the once mighty Nile River, tiny Earthie-made buildings were collapsing all around on their own momentum. These were the buildings in which modern day pyramid builders and ordinary Egyptian Earthies had been warehoused like rats before being compressed alive. And less than a century later the mighty Nile turned into a polluted gutter following the apocalyptic WWW1 (World Water War One).
In the Year 1 Cellular (1996 AD) one such building collapsed right next door to a gathering center of the rich and famous annihilating dozens of Earthies as they were getting ready to watch a popular game called football (when two groups of Earthies repeatedly kicked a round object). Contemporary historians claimed that these falling buildings were a reflection of society's shaky fabric when moral and traditional values were at an all-time low and when massive corruption and wholesale abuses were at their highest, and when funny-money was the supreme motivator.
These were the peak years of Molokhia Capitalism.